hello and goodbye

We began the process of inducing labor on Friday and checked into the hospital Saturday morning. Dan stayed with me the entire time, and both sets of parents were there to support us as well.

Nolan Patrick was born to heaven at 5:23 pm on Sunday, February 1st. He measured 6 inches in length and weighed just 2.4 oz. We all got to hold him for a long time and admire his tiny features. His grandmothers fussed over him for a while, dressing him in the micropreemie clothing donated by Holy Sews through my mom's friend Kathy. A nurse took photos of him and of us holding him. Back before we found out about Nolan's problems, we had talked about the activities we looked forward to doing with him, and Dan said he was excited to watch football with our little guy on the couch. It was so perfect when the Super Bowl came on TV and Dan was holding Nolan, all cozied up in a bundle of blankets.

I am at home now and doing okay physically, but I keep melting into hysterics at regular intervals. I just feel so empty and sad, and I miss my little boy every second. The nurses at the hospital were so kind and put together a little memory box with all sort of mementos including Nolan's receiving blanket and tiny footprints. Planning the funeral and burial this week has been so difficult, but everyone who has helped has been very patient and understanding.

We chose the name Nolan because it means champion or fighter, and that's exactly what our little boy has been, beating all the odds to live as long as he did. His middle name, Patrick, is for Dan's uncle who was killed in a car accident at a young age. Nolan has plenty of caring people to look after him in heaven, especially Dan's uncle and grandparents and my grandparents. They took good care of us when we were small and now they have an extra special boy to spoil with love.

Again, thanks to everyone who has taken the time to send an email, text, card, or flowers. We received a lovely basket of daisies and roses from Dan's Aunt Megan and Uncle Steve, and jar of springtime favorites including cheery sunflowers from his cousins Ted, Laura, and Sara. We've also enjoyed the cookies and little plant left on our porch by my friends Laura and Courtney while we were at the hospital on Saturday. My friend Kathy sent a gift card to a little knitting shop, which will be a welcome distraction once I am up and around more. Thank you to everyone who has sent prayers our way also, we love you all.